Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize