Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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