she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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