Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
