you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
