I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
