Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
