i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
only you would photoshop your dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
