plz talk dirty to me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
pray to the hookup gods
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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