i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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