I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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