she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
