sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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