I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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