I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
