i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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