shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
