If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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