Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
