Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
