i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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