I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
