Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He felt like a one man threesome
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize