plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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