Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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