How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
