Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
