My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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