My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
