The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
