You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
