Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
