Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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