is your mom at the bar?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
