3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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