PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
