he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
