Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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