remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize