just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
