Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
