Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
