In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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