You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
