shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
