spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
