any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
