I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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