Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
