conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
