i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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