i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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