when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
