My room smells like vodka and shame
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
