Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
