omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
