Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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