If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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