i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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