Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
