Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize