last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
