We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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