can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize