You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
