Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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