she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
