I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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