question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
