From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
