So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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