You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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