There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize