maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
