I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
