i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drake has all the answers
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
