i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
