Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
