turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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