I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
