he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will pee on everything he values.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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