Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
