O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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