I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
