Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
