Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
