He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
