i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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