That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
