Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
