Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
