She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
